A very entertaining song from a very obscure punk bank composed of journalists who decided the best way to investigate the hip new punk scene was to join it.
Shirtless sparring with diggle
Shirtless salmon ladders
Water slapping (shirt optional)
Wing chun dummy training
Seated bench press (till failure)
Steely, angsty conversation
Cool down is a sequence of salmon ladders and yoga
These are my friends orosil and jordon at a party this saturday. They got drunk and swapped clothes with their girlfriends. They also told me not to take these pictures. I want to make them famous.
Dont they look fabulous?
Hey, at least Hydra is now ultra sensitive and ultra sensible.
But seriously, I look at this picture and I think “They FOUND a Captain America: Winter Soldier movie Marvel Legends figure?!”
That’s very telling of my “going to Target every day trying to find out when they restock action figures” headspace right now.
I had to grab it when the kid who saw it first was looking the other way and run all the way to the checkout, tipping carts behind me to serve as obstacles.
The water lapped gently across the bow of the small, one-masted vessel tied to a tiny unassuming river dock. The sun was an hour or two from rising and already a thick fog rose from the brackish water, the stench of fish and algae mingling with the smell of sweat, rum and urine that seemed a staple of any boat. The crew sat on the upper deck, waiting for the signal from the captain to shove off, their cargo already stowed. The first mate, Pegg by name, a short muscular rat of a man with a gnarled black scar across his nose and a disposition to match leaned in close to the captain and whispered “Sir, it is almost time for the tides to change, if we are to make it north without interference we should-“the captain raised his hand and cut him off, silently scanning the cobblestone streets for something. As if by the will of some god, just as the hand fell to his side, from the mist emerged two figures, one supporting the other. They slowly got closer and the crew could see that one was bedecked in the garb of a kavassi soldier, steel cuirass catching the glint from streetlamps and articulated gauntlets and greaves clanking softly with every motion. The man next to him is what drew the attention of the crew however. He wore a blue roughspun peasant shirt, brown standard issue trousers though dirtier and far more tattered than regulations allowed, his feet were bare and bleeding and his hair was long and wild. He limped alongside the soldier, obviously in considerable pain but with the erect pride and purposefulness of a career soldier. The captain walked down the gangplank halfway to meet the two guests. The soldier, a corporal by the look of the dual gold stripes on his sword sash, reached for the purse on his hip. He unfastened it and tossed it underarm to the captains waiting hands.
“Count it if you want its all there” he said with a slight air of distaste
“You don’t git far in my line o work by blind faith lad. Aint nothin ta do with yer honor” the captain replied, face downturned and hand in the money sack. He looked up after a moment and with a grunt replied “very well. Bring him aboard… by the way, consider yer favor spent.”
“so it is.” The soldier turned to the other man, and holding out his arm for a handshake said “Sgt. Ingram, its been an honor sir. Regardless of what the frekkin’ brass said, you did the right thing sir.”
the man firmly grasped the others forearm in a handshake the captain had only ever seen used between soldiers. A formal gesture of respect and honor usually. “Karl, I told you… It’s not Sergeant. Not anymore at least”
“nonsense, Sgt. You’ll always be one in my book.”
“youre too kind Karl. But you have risked so much already by letting me out of that cell. You know what you have to do.”
the one called Karl shifted slightly in his armor, as if he were a child getting lectured
“yes sir but… I don’t think it’s just… I mean we can-“
“No. If they find me gone you will be one of the first blamed. They want an example and I would rather you avoid my fate too. You know what you have to do”
at that, the man grabbed Karl behind the head, at the base of the skull and pulled him forward. Their foreheads touched and the position was held for a minute. A typical Kavassi gesture of farewell, typically intimate, it was reserved for family usually, although like all gestures, some groups had adopted it for their own purposes. The grip was released and the man, who was henceforth to be known to the crew as “traveler”, slowly limped up the gangplank bringing a stinking scent of body odor, manure, blood and dirt with him. He turned when he reached the deck and Karl said “Sgt Ingram, if anybody asks, this repays our life debt”
the the man, apparently called Ingram the captain noted, looked with sad almost paternal eyes at the young soldier standing on the docks and said mournfully “Karl, there was never any debt to pay. It was war after all. Now, go. Quickly before the watch finds us”
Karl turned swiftly on his heels and at once faded into the mist.
The first mate made his presence known and, walking slowly, arms held outstretched to the sides declared “whats this now? A Kavassi soldier fleeing the capital? And a Sergeant no less. Tip your hats lads; we are in the presence of royalty.” A roar of laughter began to echo from the half drunken sea dogs “so what was it? Killed your superior? Boned a provincial’s daughter? Haha I got it! You got drunk and ruined a general’s party! And here I thought you legionnaires had no conception of fun!”
The new passenger turned to the captain and said matter of factly “no time for introductions captain, we need to shove off right now” The first mate, obviously wounded by this blatant refusal to respond to the taunts dropped his arms and began marching towards the new man, scowl on his face “Look here boyo, you may have passage but that don’t mean I trust you. Way I see it you could be a government spy. And I don’t take kindly to spies. So… I’ll ask again. Why are ye lookin’ ta leave the capital… Sergeant” and at the sneering use of the mans honorific, a wad of tobacco and spit flew from Pegg’s mouth onto Ingram’s bare feet. Ingram looked down, then turned to stare at Pegg. “Listen, I do not know what I have done to offend you, and I am sure you cannot dredge up enough brains to figure it out yourself, but right now we are at risk of having something very bad descend on all of us and I, frankly would love it if we avoided that. So stop waving your cock around and help me out. Maybe afterwards you and me can tussle. Lord knows it wont be hard knocking out whatever teeth you have left.” Pegg took a step back, then his brow furrowed and his lips fumbled for the right phrase as he raised his fist to strike. Ingram took a step back and raised his arms in a defensive stance, the sleeves slid halfway down his forearms revealing a red and raw stripe on either wrist. Manacle wounds always festered for a while and it seems that Ingram’s were no different. Pegg yelled out “you sonofabitch, nobody fecking talks to me like that” and stepped forward just as a booming voice echoed over the sound of jeers, catcalls and riverwater “Put yer damned fist down ya bloomin idiot!” Pegg froze and turned to face the captain who stood there holding a rusty revolver “this man is our guest and I expect a little more hospitality from you. Ya heard?!” Pegg turned away and muttered something under his breath “EXCUSE ME Mr. Pegg. I believe I asked ya a question.” Pegg, defeat across his face exclaimed “aye, cap’n, I heard ye”
“good. Now, boys we ourselves have secrets we want to keep. I doubt the good lords of kavass would take kindly to the supplies we have stored belowdecks eh? Lets do as the man says and shove off. Make it quick damn ya!”
the men scrambled to their positions and began to untie thick ropes and unfurl a large square sail as others scrambled to their positions belowdecks, presumably to secure the illicit cargo they had obtained. The captain, an imposing giant of a man who stood near as tall as a sarkin with a thick red beard turning white on the fringes and a salt stained leather coat that seemed a size too short, holstered his aged pistol and ambled over to Ingram. Ingram eyed him warily, as if he were sizing up the man who held the volatile first mate in such a firm grasp.
“ya needent be mindin Pegg mister. Hes a hothead and an imbecile but cant find no better man to have in a scrap, and though he got porridge for brains when it comes ta dealin with most folks, he knows the sea like a mother hen knows her young.”
“that’s always valuable.”
“indeed it is. And while yer a guest here, I caint always promise that ill be watchin yer ass. Best to not piss off the men any more.”
Ingram stared firmly ahead into the blackness of the night, down river and away from the city.
“well, smugglers often have a reputation for… never mind”
“oh no. ill have it said, you were saying somethin’ bout my crew?”
Ingrams jaw clenched and he inhaled deeply before slowly turning his head to face the captain
“nothing. Its just… I never thought I would ever be in the company of liars and thieves, much less requiring their aid.”
“nay. Reckon ya didn’t. never figured id be doin’ this either, yet here we stand. Best get yer mind right boy. We do this and you aint a kavassi no more. Yer yer own man and all that hive mind shit ya learned goes with it. Seems ya aint much for that shit ya got crammed down your throat anyway. Nah, don’t tell less you feel like it. Aint gotta know.” The captain waved his hand as Ingram opened his mouth to speak before continuing “now, I know that ya aint too keen on my men and that’s alright. We aint courtin ya. But ya best realize that right now we are all that stands between ya and whatever fate them stickups in their tower had planned for ya. A little respect would be nice”
Ingram clenched his fists, then unclenched them before slumping his shoulders and stating as slowly as possible
“yes. Of course youre right. Forgive my rudeness. Your hospitality is most”
“stow it. Ya said time is of the essence. Why?”
“karl, a former… protégé of mine freed me from the brig after I was asked to stay for a time. He was appointed as my jailer. If they see me missing, it will be his head they take. They want an example and in their eyes he is just as complicit as I am in the crime.”
“a fine tale. What does that mean for us?”
“it means he has to give them no reason to suspect him. We have 5 minutes before-“
and as he spoke, a harsh whistle broke the silence. Three blasts sounded followed by the tramping of boots and a cry of “HALT THERE!” the captain turned to Ingram and said “yer man sent the watch to us?!” Ingram, already heading for the nearest rope grunted “worse, he sent the barracks guard”
The captain pulled out his pistol and roared “alright boys! Cut the ropes, pull the plank and all ahead full! Looks like we o’erstayed our welcome in the fair city!” he then turned to ingram and said “ya know anythin’ about sailin?” Ingram, fumbling with a fairly complex knot said “not a damn thing but get me in a fight and im as good as gold” The captain grabbed at his purple grox-leather belt and produced a falchion, imperial designed and in fairly good condition, all things considered. He charged forward and with a bellow swung the falchion downward, severing the knot in ingrams hand, as the coils fell to the deck he said “no time fer that. Take this, its as good as yers. Make sure these bluebellies stay offa my ship damn ya!” Ingram nodded and as he hefted the falchion and dropped into fighting stance the ship began to move. The Guard, fully emerged from the mist and fog began to sprint towards the end of the docks, while a few dropped to one knee and took aim with long flinted rifles. Two shots rang out from the rigging and a halberdier and a lad bearing a short sword and buckler both fell. The riflemen began to shift their aim when a thud arose from the aft section of the vessel. The ship lurched and froze as Ingram looked and saw a grappling hook attached to a stanchion on the docks and the deck of the vessel. There was a man or two already attempting to shimmy up the rope to get on deck. Ingram ran to the hook as fast as he could. Another chorus of shots rang out and wood splintered around him, causing him to stumble for a brief second before rising again. He got to the hook just as a man, a boy really, with a leather breastplate and a steel sabre was clambering aboard the vessel. He got his bearings just in time to see the disheveled madman bearing down on him at full sprint. Ingram leapt from his feet and tackled the lad, sending him sprawling. Ingram recovered first and, grabbing his falchion from beside him where it lay on the deck cut the rope, resulting in a loud splash and a sudden bolt of motion from the ship. That’s when Ingram felt a arm close around his neck as the boy grappled with Ingram. They fell to the ground and Ingram rolled over to free himself. The boy, however expected this and ended up on top of Ingram, straddling his chest and pinning his arms with his knees. He delivered several successive punches to his face and reached for a dagger when Ingram, seeing his chance, brought his head crashing into the boys nose. The lad reeled in pain and Ingram threw the boy off of him, rising to fight just as the boy grabbed the falchion and held it to Ingrams throat. “Nicholas Ingram. I hereby place you under arrest by the authority of kURGH…” the boy sputtered and spat blood from his mouth as a loud shot echoed in the air.
“Oh im sorry. Did I interrupt yer concentration? Forgive me but lad. On my ship, my authority is the only one that’s recognized and, frankly… I don’t like yer tone” the boy fell to the ground coughing up blood and gasping as the captain approached, pistol smoking in his hand.
“hey Traveller. Yer reckless as hell but yer good in a fight. And truth be told I been needin a sworn sword since Kiril, my last one got the fever. Ill get ye some gear and call these damages to my vessel… and crew… even if you help keep some fellow lowlives away from my cargo. We’ll take ye north and to freedom.”
“how far north?”
“furthest im goin’ is Clearwater. But we can take ya there. Tis a busy port and a fella can find some decent work to be had. What say ya? We got a deal?”
“looks like I have no real choice do I?”
“well we could gut you and leave you for dead in the river so them soldiers don’t think to chase us.”
“at least you are honest about it”
“you will find sir, that even among thieves, there is still some honor.”
“Very well. I accept.”
To be continued…
I have a ton of new followers so as a reward here is a picture of me at a party last week.
No, i have no idea what was going on.
I was really drunk.